Inter-holiday shenanigans

Once again, I open the door to personal opinions, not about a particular series, but on a series of characters who’ve won me over. Observe!

From left to right going down, we have Kagura, Konata, Izumi, Miyuki Kobayakawa, Asa Mitaka, Lady Rias Gremory, Minami Fuyuki, Tohka Yatogami, Anna Nishikinomiya, and Asuka Langley Soryu. There’s a runner-up who doesn’t fit into a 3×3 and would thus make this into a Top 10 List. I’ll introduce her at the end, so while you’re reading this, have fun guessing who the tenth inductee is. Here’s a hint: she’s covered head-to-toe in scars.

Now the breakdown:

Kagura (Azumanga Daioh) 2002

Physically, Kagura has what I like most: tan, tomboy, athletic. Personality-wise, she proves that she deserves to be a knucklehead alongside Tomo and Osaka, as their combined IQs makes up a toddler’s smallest shoe size. But with the three of them getting one-shotted by Stephen Hawking before he has time to think, what does Kagura bring out that I like so much? She’s not a bad sport and a good friend. Not the most effective at times, but she’s got the spirit to help out. Definitely the energy to; on a scale of Osaka to Tomo with Osaka being low-speed and Tomo being Speed Racer, Kagura is a NASCAR driver: she can get her engines primed and ready, but knows better than to overload them.

She’s also more introspective and self-aware than that other scoundrel she spends time with.

Credit: u/crawllinback2you1, r/azudaioh

Kagura’s moments of brilliance and reliability come from helping her friends for the most part. My favorite has to come from when Sakaki was in danger once again from the alley fiend Kamineko until Kagura applied a tender touch. Yay! Only to go overboard and antagonize the rest of the harmless kittens. Damn… Well, her heart was in the right place. Also, r/azudaioh, and r/AzumangaPosting are the two golden sources of Azumanga memes. Only the fanbase could carry a 20-year-old 4-panel series to newer heights, further bolstered by Kiyohiko Azuma’s impeccable comedic style.

Kagura > Tomo. Signed, a Kagura enjoyer.

Now, onto Dollar Store Haruhi Suzumiya:

Konata Izumi (Lucky Star) 2007

The Suzumiya thing ain’t a joke, it’s the focal point of one of the OVAs. She’s the otaku that would take over any other series where being an otaku is what it’s all about, like, say, Genshiken. Lucky Star is a show that is about three things: jack f[door slams]king shit. The characters talk about nothing important, they’re not fantastical; they’re you and me. They do regular things that we all do, and ask all the important questions our society dares not answer: How do you eat a chocolate cornet?

Channel: Crunchyroll Dubs

It’s a good time all around.

I would never say that Konata is the main element in Lucky Star because that’s not true. The entire cast shines mainly by bouncing off of each other quite well, but what makes Konata my favorite is that she’s so chill. She has few worries, doesn’t do well academically, but could give you all the anime recs you could ever ask for, some of which may come from her own dad’s collection, and that last part I personally find relatable. My mom was a young adult when Dragon Ball came to the west and my late uncle grew up with Speed Racer. Like Konata, I’m a born weeb. It was the only path I could walk on. And the one thing the series shares with Azumanga Daioh is that the fanbase is also carrying it to new heights.

Credit: baalbuddy

Merciful heavens! What a crossover!

Number 3:

Miyuki Kobayakawa (You’re Under Arrest) 1994-97; 2007-08

Before we dissect Officer Kobayakawa as a character, I want to spend a few moments analyzing the character design. She doesn’t stand out as much visually compared to Tsujimoto or Nikaido or even Nakajima when they’re all in uniform, but the few scenes where she’s off-duty, she’s a very stylish woman. Her outfits are simple, practical, and efficient. They match her kind and book-smart personality. Kobayakawa doesn’t wear her heart on her sleeve like her wingwoman Tsujimoto; if Tsujimoto is the brawn, Kobayakawa is absolutely the brains.

An intellectual with impeccable observational skills, she’s a great policewoman and a great friend to all her co-workers. Now if she could just tell Nakajima how she feels already.

The entire precinct wants to greenlight their wedding ceremony already, they’re just maddeningly patient for their own good.

Numbuh 4:

Asa Mitaka (Chainsaw Man) 2018*

*The manga debuted in 2018, and MAPPA is supposed to be animating the second season… Gotta wait and see what the cooks are cooking.

I’ll be honest, I originally wasn’t that sold on Chainsaw Man as seen by this post I made last year. I still stand by my opinions that it’s what Black Torch could’ve been if it hugged the dark atmosphere tighter than a fussy mom, but learning at the time what was the craziest moment in the manga (later surpassed because Fujimoto’s life is Anti-chill), I decided to continue the manga from where the anime left off and my original assessment might not have been as fair. It still reeks of Black Torch’s ashes, but its still in serialization.

Maybe next time, Takaki-san…

Asa stars in the second part of the manga after spoilers. Wants to be seen as regular, but her own mindset gets in the way. Things happen after an encounter with the Justice Devil. Asa is possessed by the War Devil, who talks to her through hallucinations, and grants her the ability to make a weapon out of anything she touches. So far, I interpret that as “anything” not “anyone” due in part to this moment in the manga:

Yoru is probably dumber than we think.

I’m still playing catch-ups with the manga, so I’m not sure how much more Asa has learned of her abilities. For her personality, ignoring all the autistic femcel memes (hilarious as they are), Asa’s complicated but like any naïve youngster, she can’t help but be a slave to her own assumptions, about herself, about her peers, about Denji and the rest of the cast. You could brush the rest of humanity over with this paintbrush of sorts, but personally the phrase “stranger things have happened” would be a good one for her to learn.

And she does show a willingness to learn, even if her teachers and mentors are all s[seagull calls]t. Not just that their teachings are bad, but more so that some of the best lessons she takes come from general assholes. Something something, do as I say, not as I do moments. Blah blah blah…

If it sounds like I’m being light on her compared to another character, well she really can’t help but be a dumb, inexperienced kid. The Chainsaw Man world may be Satan’s best joke, but it’s still worth exploring more than just her corner of Japan. Hell, some wacky omake or OVA could put her and Denji in Hawaii or something. For what I like most about her, her arc is an interesting one to watch. From easy-pickings to “I wasn’t asking,” coupled with Yoru the built-in double act since Denji, Nayuta, and Fami aren’t always available to annoy her.

The middle one goes last. The real 5th one:

Minami Fuyuki (Hokkaido Gals are Super Adorable) 2024

The gyaru front is bringing us several surprises, and it seems to have been doing so for quite some time. I’ve talked about gyaru animanga before, and I’m destined to continue to do so for as long as we get more and more series. I don’t remember what attracted me to Hokkaido Gals, but I’m certain it was either 2022 or ’23 as I was halfway through the manga by the time the anime was announced.

Fuyuki may be the face of the series, and I definitely see the appeal of Sayuri and Natsukawa-senpai. But what I really like about Fuyuki is that she has such an attractive personality. She’s fun to be around, a kind, party girl who likes fashion and her native Hokkaido climate. She’s no genius, but like Kagura she has her heart in the right place. Also the dub gave her a Minnesotan accent that blew me backwards at first, but grew on me. I’m pretty sure most anime do this to emphasize different Japanese accents and dialects to unfamiliar ears (see Ayumu “Osaka” Kasuga for more details), but if you ask me, the “rural/hick” label is thrown around too broadly. I don’t know if Japan does it themselves or if the localizers do, but anyone who’s not from Tokyo or Kyoto automatically gets the equivalent of a funny cowboy accent for some reason. Guess it’ll make sense when I’m reincarnated as a Kansan, but what can you do?

The sixth:

Tohka Yatogami (Date a Live) 2013-24

Official art could’ve been used, but this Nendoroid caught my eye and was too adorable to ignore.

One of the many faces of the series itself, Tohka was the first spirit introduced from the spatial quakes and the one that holds onto Shido probably tighter and for longer than the other girls. She’s got the strength of 15 buffalo and the personality of a puppy. Happy Tohka lights the room, sad Tohka plunges it into vantablack, angry Tohka gives us the world from the mid-2000s animation Skyland; she’s also on the ditzy side admittedly, but she doesn’t carry a lot ill will in her heart. Looking back now, she makes me think of Shikimori from her series. 10/10, ready to throw down for her man, perhaps even save him from getting Isekai’d. Beware her strength though, the girl could bench press Fukuoka Tower without limits.

七番目：

Anna Nishikinomiya (Shimoneta) 2015

I held back on the crazy waifus by flooding this one with girls that you could hang out and be best buds with before getting a chance to romance them (thus it is the correct way to do things). But here, I’ll give out a yandere.

Anna Nishikinomiya is the Student Council President, so pure of heart, she can’t see anything wrong with a lewd painting of a woman with a toadstool in between her perky boobs. One day, she is accidentally kissed, and develops a MIGHTY NEED to milk Tanukichi dry and empty.

If it wasn’t for Tanukichi’s support system of daring and curious classmates, he would’ve been toast.

Anna would be on a sex offender registry in another world with a bevy of sex-related crimes under her belt. Maybe in jail she continually obsesses over Tanukichi, busts herself out, and goes on a manhunt for Tanukichi’s treasured meat. And if it sounds like I’m joking, consider that she’s got the added bonus of athleticism and youth. Being a high school student means her body has yet to betray her due to the passage of time.

After not thinking about the series for years, I initially would’ve tried to drive her back as though I was shielding myself with a crucifix in the face of a vampire. But looking back, for therapy’s sake, poor Anna needs to f[aanh!]k for public health and safety. Forget protecting her from danger; Tanukichi and admittedly a majority of the whole student body needs protection from her, especially the girls. She nearly surgically removed Ayame’s jugular with her eyes clothes, heaven protect the girl who accidentally bumps into him. That’s a funeral no parent wants to fund.

As for her pursuits, well, she’s so thirsty, Tanukichi’s bodily fluids are her new favorite drink. She’s so horny, Aphrodite wants her to calm down. She has a built-in Tanukichi seeker that zeroes in on him from anywhere in the world. Cursed to conflate love with lust, she could use a talk about consent, perhaps hidden behind a video about tea. She’s a highlight in the series and a great example of why policing morality is bad. I’m not sure if Ayame’s method of speaking in lewd is a better alternative, but if we’re using measuring sticks, Ayame’s much tamer and she won’t stop ’til everyone’s vocabulary is unfiltered… or at least adjusted to reflect how people would actually talk if not societally enforced to walk on eggshells. I don’t like to use this, but we’ll have to consult Saki Kasukabe.

Maybe it’s the way I was raised or what I’ve been led to believe, but even talking about intimate things in mixed company is too much for me. Maybe it’ll change?

Acht:

Asuka Langley Soryu (Neon Genesis Evangelion) 1995-96

The tsundere to the stars, the one who kicks Shinji because she believes every man should be manly (when he’s in a “born to malewife, forced to Shonen MC” situation), this hafu representation of two of the Axis powers is broken psychologically.

Credit: Khyleri

r/EvangelionMemes is too strong sometimes.

Asuka Langley Soryu started out as the newest member of the team, and she’s sassy, brash, determined to be the best like no one ever was, and probably (read: definitely) wants to be dominated. I wouldn’t harp like an angel, but the more she bullies Shinji, the more I get the feeling that she wants him to slap her. Toxic? Kinky? Attention-seeking? Well, I say it’s a mix of all three. The Evangelion-themed forums have been debating that for about 30 years (yes, the 1990s are now 30 years ago people) and I’ll leave it to you to decide what’s right because either Hideaki Anno is really tight-lipped or no one is taking him seriously despite creating the f[explosion]king franchise in the first place, goddammit.

Whatever the case, Asuka’s cuter when she’s trying to impress Shinji. There aren’t a lot of moments of that and I really wish there were. If they were better at communication, then maybe the AsuShin crowd would get their vindication. Stick it to all the other shippers in the process. Then again, the series’ setting doesn’t allow for such a thing. The situation is so dire, we need kids to pilot mechas and destroy angels like this.

Biblically accurate angels.

The saddest part about Eva is that the average person didn’t understand that it was an anti-war series. I’m not into mecha and I can see that.

Now the best for last. The darling heiress to the House of Gremory, represented by the Chess king piece, she begins with a harem and then joins one herself, sweet as candy, kindest devil in all of hell, ladies and gentlemen give it up for Rias Gremory!!!

She walked past him, enswathed by her vermilion hair. She glanced at him on the ground and returned a smile and a wink, then continued on towards the school building. The crimson-haired beauty with the teal eyes was known as Rias Gremory. The most beautiful girl in the school, with the most attractive personality. She’s kind and heartwarming, welcoming any newcomers to the Occult Research Club with open arms, even the pervert who was caught ogling her earlier: Issei Hyodo.

Not my best writing, but I think it gets my point across: Rias Gremory is a good woman and an ideal partner. Being the face of a series that uses tits the same way Mario uses mushrooms, her moments of “Issei’s so cute/undress me, you son of a-” are normally saved for downtime. But it still makes an important part of the plot at ridiculous times. I’ll never forget when in the anime, Issei was made the star of a children’s program because the entire gimmick was touching boobs gave him a power-up. Let him cop a feel and all of a sudden he’s Popeye.

Rias isn’t just a pretty face and nice body. She’s kind, she’s caring, she’s considerate, and she’s cute when she gets jealous that the other girls have an interest in Issei. She’s also mature enough to negotiate with the other girls in this matter. And the most logical conclusion is to share him with Asia. Even the queen has her moments, and that’s why Rias is my Number 1.

As for the tenth who couldn’t fit into this 3×3, if you’ve exhausted your time trying to narrow it down, you may now rest. It’s Balalaika from Black Lagoon.

I’m gonna say it. Balalaika is much better than Revy.

So that’s my 3×3 as of the end of 2024, maybe I’ll update it for 2025, there’s more anime coming out next year, so the well’s never dry.